Junk Food

Sunday, August 28, 2016

I want wings

Ever since I was little I remember wishing I could fly. Not like superman could fly. I wanted wings. I wanted to grow them and feel them burst from my shoulder blades.

I wanted to feel my warm blood dripping down my back as the delicate, feathery wings quiver and twitch while they expand. Large brown hawk's wings, like the color of my hair. And a rounded fanned tail that could sweep the air beneath my body as I fling myself into the sky and be above the trees in seconds.

Sometimes they were scaly wings and once I learned what gargoyles were, I envied their resilience. Their patience.

A few days ago I wanted wings of fire and feet curled under me, hanging loose, but engaged. Talons dripping with flaming embers. These wings do not get me much farther than the flame they burst out of, but I needed them and they were there.

Then I woke up again and my wings had fallen asleep. I can still feel them, brown and feathery, tucked sweetly beneath my shoulder blades. They itch and pop beneath the skin, moving the flesh around as they patiently await tonight, when it's finally cool enough again to fly.

You are not a fraud.

You are not a fraud.
This is for you now, or maybe later when you need it more, for anytime you need to read the words "You are not a fraud." I write this also for myself, because I need to read that too from time to time, and remember that my thoughts, my ideas, my identity, my fears, are valid.
The thoughts and feelings that come from you do not have to define you, but they are meaningful and true in a way that no one else can take from you. And you have a right to remain undecided about the ways that you interpret these thoughts and feelings no matter how much pressure others and the world place onto your ability to understand and interpret them.
The love that lives inside you can never die. It can never be killed, exhausted, extinguished, poisoned, or stolen. You can replenish it, no matter how long it has been since you last were able to feel it. Sometimes this takes a lot longer than others, and that is okay. Sometimes you need to feel safe in order to let it thrive. That is also okay. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Least of all yourself.